It's Senior Year
by charmed-star11
Summary: The third installment of our musical series and unfortunately everything has an end... Warning: This musical is more adult-oriented but I'm putting this as T rating. Beware as there is no bleeping and it is possible to be offended. Enjoy!
1. Prologue

Harry Potter and His Senior Year

This is the Last Time…

The halls of Hogwarts were relatively quiet since it was snowing outside and everyone was in their dorms and common rooms for the warmth of fires and blankets. Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom, and Minerva McGonagall were no exceptions. The evening was progressing for each of them normally; Luna reading her newest Quibbler in the corner, Neville attending to a newly potted sprout of Devil's Snare, and the Professor correcting some second year essays. As with our stars, each received an owl at their window…

Neville:

Neville had been pruning his little sprig of Devil's Snare when Hedwig came with a package for him. Recognizing the cold of the night, he let her in and was surprised when she landed on his bed.

"What's that you have for me girl?" She had three bags attached to her legs and she eventually got him to remove his own. Once complete, she flew off to the still open window towards her next target.

"What could Harry be sending me?" He opened the bag and a small black stone with his initils appeared but as soon as it connected with his hand, the world disappeared…

Luna:

The young Ravenclaw was happily reading on the new theory of Nargle reproduction through means of time travel when a tap sounded at the window she was sitting next to. Looking up, she spotted Hedwig carrying two packages.

"Oh, you poor thing, come here." Letting the busy owl in, Luna took the blue bag from the bunch and thanked Hedwig with bite of the Muggle food called "jerky" that her father had sent her. The snowy owl hooted in thanks but took off towards the portal and out she went as some seventh years exited. Luna regarded the package before putting her hand inside and pulling out a small stone with her initials. Once safely in her hand, her own unique world disappeared to take her to something not even she could imagine.

Minerva:

"I honestly think we need to do something about this!" She was furious as she read through these half-baked essays on the difference between transfiguring and transforming. What in the name of Merlin was an atom? Or an electron field? Reading this particular theory though made her wonder if it wasn't actually an alternate fact. Maybe a look into technology and science wasn't a bad idea… Tapping broke her train of thought.

"Hedwig?" She recognized Potter's owl anywhere. Letting the tired bird in, she took the remaining package and let the owl rest on her chair back. She withdrew her wand and checked for prank spells (she went through both Marauders and Weasley twin eras) and for any curses. Once satisfied it was safe, especially considering it was Potter's owl, she tipped the contents into her palm. The stone with her initials looked relatively harmless until her world disappeared and the most bizarre experience of her life started…

-Back to Normal-

As Hermione set up the Senior Year playlist, three thuds had them all turning to see Neville, Luna, and Professor McGonagall behind them. The Professor righted herself and helped the two students stand before Dumbledore greeted them.

"Welcome to our musical marathon!" Harry snorted while Ron and Draco high-fived. Snape had a creepy grin on his face as he watched his old teacher turned co-worker look flustered.

"Where are we and what are you all doing here?"

"Watching musical parodies of my life at Hogwarts, you're just in time for our last year, or as StarKid has named it, our Senior Year." Harry smiled and motioned Luna and Neville over. They went quickly sitting down and eying Draco, in Neville's case, with trepidation.

"That is completely…"

_Welcome Luna, Minerva, and Neville,_

_I am sorry to allow you in so late but with the exception of Neville, you weren't true main characters in the musicals. Now that this is the final part of the trilogy, you are to watch it and enjoy though be warned. The events of this musical have certain parts from all your years as well and so yes, there are some spoilers for you in here but I'm sure you can put them in proper perspective as you watch it._

_Enjoy_

"Well, make yourselves comfortable and we'll begin." McGonagall sat next to Snape as Neville and Luna got situated on the floor with Ron. Once everyone was set, Hermione pressed play and the last part of their adventure with the musicals began.


	2. Act 1 Scene 1

Act 1 Scene 1

_In August of 2012, at a Harry Potter fan convention called "Leaky Con", StarKid Productions performed a staged reading of the third and final installment of their "Very Potter Musical" series._

_This is that staged recording._

"Wow, so there are scripts in this then."

"Wait you mean to tell me that they don't have this memorized?"

"The others one they did but it seems they didn't have a chance for this one."

_Narrator: A dark stage, we hear the ding of an elevator as it comes to a stop. An elevator voice says: Bottom Floor, the Department of Mysteries._

The DA members flinched at the scene description. This was starting off in the DOM and it wouldn't mean anything good.

**Luna: Lumos!**

The entire room gasped at the _unnatural_ resemblence this Luna had to their own.

"How in the world…"

_This is the actual actress to portray your friends in the real movies. That is why they have such a high resemblance_.

"Bloody hell, that is completely unnerving."

"I find it more believable because now I have a very nice reference for myself." Luna looked excitedly dreamy watching the musical and seeing herself.

"Yeah but what you don't know is they also give us some really horrible attitudes on occasion and so who knows how much you'll be distorted."

"That's not very nice of them."

"It's hilarious though on an equal majority so you live with it."

**Neville: Luna! Wait for me.**

"Is that…"

"Yes, Neville, that is you."

"What?"

**Luna: Come on Neville.**

**Neville: Sorry, it's a nervous tick. I slow down whenever I have to hurry up.**

Neville snorted at that and looked at Ron.

"You were right, this can be funny too."

**Luna: Wow we're here: the Department of Mysteries. Isn't it wonderful, all the world's most mysterious and magical anomalies in one booby-trapped labyrinth? I wanna see the Room of Death!**

Luna smiled. "They were right, it is such an interesting room but I was more interested in the Room of Time."

**Neville: Can we just find…**

**Luna: Smile Neville –snap-**

**Neville: Can we just find the rest of the DA before the Death Eaters, gulp, find us?**

**Luna: Oh! Yeah, we're on a mission.**

"LUNA!" She laughed with them and pointed at the screen.

"I have my priorities properly inline as the Nargles don't muddle my brain since aI take the proper precautions."

**The very last of the Death Eaters broke in and we've gotta catch them. Maybe I should turn my flash off…FLASH…oops that wasn't…**

**Neville: EUGHHHH!**

**Luna: Neville!**

By now the others were laughing as Neville blushed at his portrayal. He wasn't this much of a wimp, especially at the DOM.

"Lighten up Neville, wait 'till you see how arrogant and selfish I am."

"Harry Potter? Arrogant and selfish?"

"And don't forget attention seeking too."

"Thanks Hermione." She just winked at him and turned back to their entertainment.

**Don't be such a guppy. What's the worst that can happen?**

**Neville: We could get caught by the Death Eaters.**

**Luna: I think you mean killed. We could get killed by the Death Eaters. That would be a lot worse.**

**Neville: Oh d-d-d-d-d-d-dear.**

"Do you have to smile while talking about being killed?"

"No other way to do it. Being depressing is no fun."

"If you say so."

**Luna: (singing) It's been a long time coming but tonight is the end of the war my friend. Tomorrow only one side will remain. We will win or we lose the fight either way it's the end, no use to pretend. It's the final show, we gotta go, meet our destiny. This is the end!**

**-Death Eaters enter making noises-**

**Neville: Oh no Death Eaters!**

"Wow, I cannot sing."

"Don't feel bad Luna. She is a professional actress and probably felt weird singing too."

**Luna: Oh be merciful and kill us quickly!**

"Only you Luna."

"No begging, just being polite."

**Fenrir: Well, well, well, if it isn't Luna Lovegood and Neville Shlongbottom.**

"Shlongbottom?"

"Uh yeah, my character gave you that nickname in our first year, sorry."

"I don't care but the in the world is a Shlongbottom?"

"No idea but it ends being hilarious."

**Luna: Gasp, Fenrir Greyback! FLASH**

**Death Eater: Can we kill them now sir?**

**Fenrir: Ah, ah, ah, these two little piggies are going to make a yummy snack but not yet. For now, they'll serve as hostages. The rest of Dumbledore's Army must be here…sniff…somewhere.**

**Neville: You'll never get away with this, you villans!**

"You tell him Neville!"

**Fenrir: Oh really? You DA brats have been a thorn in our side for your six years at Hogwarts but tonight we reclaim the ultimate weapon and the Death Eaters shall rise again!**

**Death Eaters: (singing) Your time is running out. Where is your hero now? You can look everywhere but he's nowhere to be found.**

"Oh I'm there somewhere."

"Harry, shush!"

"Yes honey."

**You look to your right, you're not gonna find him. You look to your left, he's not even there! Don't even try he doesn't care about you. He's moved on! He's gone, he's gone, he's gone…this is the end!**

Harry rolled his eyes at the rogue werewolf.

"Oh yeah, I've moved on? You people are the ones who can't accept that your leader has been dead for five years in this musical and you are still being defeated by a couple of teens."

"Mate, it's pretty sad actually when you put it like that."

**Fenrir: Here it is! At last, finally, the ultimate artifact of evil is within my grasp! Now all of wizardom shall fall to the Dark Mark.**

Ginny looked at the accurate replica of the diary and bowed her head. Harry pulled her closer to himself as he felt her stiffen.

"It wasn't your fault and just think that it's one Horcrux less we have to destroy." Ginny smiled slightly but was still anxious.

**You two however, you won't be round to see the show. Oh, I've been working on this evil plan for so long. I'm starting to get a healthy appetite. Hah, and you two are going to make a nice little weirdo sandwich.**

"Hey! You're the weirdo, not them." Neville looked at Malfoy in surprise at him defending them.

"Uh, Malfoy…"

"He's a friend now Neville and Luna. We've been here a few days and have become quite close since most of our secrets have been spilled."

"No problem Harry, I like having friends in all Houses."

"Guess I can't call you Looney anymore huh?"

"Oh go right ahead, as long as it in jest." Draco nodded and turned back to the musical, confusing Neville more.

**With an extra side of mor…Ron. Hahahahahaha!**

**Ron: Did somebody say Ron?**

**Fenrir: No no no no no no no no no no. I said mo…**

**Ron: Stupefy!**

"Woot! I am back and awesome! I so want that jacket."

"That's you? But you look so…so…geek-cool."

"Yeah well, you should have seen my family, they were funny."

**Yes! Come on guys, let's get out of here. –run-**

**Together: This is the end.**

**Ron: (singing) Of all the fighting.**

**Together: This is the end.**

**Ron: Of people dying.**

**Together: This is the end.**

**Ron: There's no trying to deny it's gonna be us or them.**

**Together: This is the end.**

**Ron: (normal) Okay, we're supposed to meet Hermione in here.**

**Hermione: (in disguise) Ron, there you are.**

"Why did I change?"

"No one knows."

"What do you mean?" Hermione crossed her arms and pouted. Neville just looked lost.

"That isn't the girl who originally played me the past two musicals. It's depressing actually. I liked her."

**Wait a second, where are your guys' Death Eater disguises?**

**Luna: Neville, a Death Eater, protect me.**

**Neville: Take this you Death Eater! *Punch* This is for my family! *Repeated Kicks***

"Neville!"

"Eh, I wouldn't blame him except for the fact you haven't noticed Hermione."

"But great Muggle fighting skills right there."

**Ron: Neville, stop, stop! Stop it that's Hermione. That's my girlfriend.**

**Neville: Oh d-d-d-d-d-dear…**

**Hermione: God damn it Ron, I think my nose got broken. What's the damage?**

"In the words of my portrayed self, you are hot."

**Ron: Whoa. Hermione, I mean, I don't want to scare you or anything but you look hot.**

**Hermione: Well, I may look different but you all should just treat me as the same old Hermione you know and love. And that goes for all of you too. *wink***

"Being a bit frisky with the crowd there Granger?"

"Only if you are there Malfoy."

**Ron, is that a book? I've never seen you carrying one of those before.**

"And you never will…"

**Ron: No, it's a diary. We're trying to keep it away from the Death Eaters.**

**Luna: And it's really fun.**

**Death Eater: AHHHHH!**

**Ron and Hermione: Death Eaters!**

**Hermione: (singing) It's been a long time coming, but tonight is the end of the was my friend. Tomorrow only one side will remain.**

**Together: This is the end.**

**Hermione: Our time is running out.**

**Together: This is the end.**

**Hermione: Where is our hero now?**

**Together: This is the end.**

**Hermione: He is nowhere to be found!**

**Together: This is the end of all the fighting. This is the end of people dying. This is the end, there is no trying to deny it's gonna be us or them. This is the end. This is the end. This is the end. This is the end-this is the end-this the end-this is the end-this is the end-this is the end…THIS IS THE END!**

**Fenrir: I finally caught up to you little bastards!**

"Took 'em long enough."

**Now hand over the journal, you nerd!**

"I'm not a nerd!"

"Get your paws off her!"

**Struggle all you want.**

**Ron: Hermione!**

**Hermione: Neville, help me!**

"Why Neville?"

"Why you?"

"Where am I?"

"Be patient Harry you are probably coming soon."

**Harry: Expelliarmous!**

"Told you, oh, I like the hair cut."

"I get one of those jackets too."

"Why is yours yellow?"

"I think they were trying for the gold of Gryffindor."

**Fenrir: Where are you going you cretins? He's just a child!**

**Harry: I'm not a child anymore. I'm seventeen years old.**

"And you are so proud of that fact."

"Hey, gentle ego here."

"Ron I'll beat you…"

"I'm petrified Harry."

**Happy birthday to me and what better present to get than the last of the Death Eaters all conveniently in the same place, wrapped in a big bow. You made a mistake coming here tonight Fenrir.**

**Fenrir: You arrogant little sh…**

**Harry: You've been trying to kill me all year and now you threaten my friends? Let's finish this.**

**Fenrir: As you wish. Avada Kedav…**

**Harry: Jelly-Legs Jinx!**

**Fenrir: Oh no! My legs! **

**Cop 1: Freeze mother fucker, we're the wizard cops!**

**Cop 2: On the ground!**

The teens burst into laughter. The Aurors, or wizard cops in this case, were too hilarious.

"What I would give to see an Auror actually do that!"

"I don't know what the Death Eaters would do but it would freeze them for a moment."

**Ron: Hey, thanks good buddy.**

**Hermione: Harry!**

**Minister: Well chocolate frogs, Harry Potter did it again y'all.**

"Isn't that Yaxley?"

"I doubt they made a Death Eater the Head Auror."

**Hermione: Kingsley Shacklebolt, the Minister of Magic.**

**Minister: And Chief of the Wizard Cops.**

**Cop 1: Word.**

Harry and Hermione burst into laughter at that and the others looked confused.

"A Muggle term to try and be cool."

**Minister: Well, not that y'all saved the world and rounded up the last of these dark magic turkeys, I gotta ask yah…why the hell can't y'all kids just let me do my job for once?!**

"Because before you, everyone was incompetent in the Ministry on the majority."

**Hermione: Oh no, Mr. Shacklebolt, you don't understand. We had to stop those Death Eaters. Harry was having these visions…**

**Minister: Yeah I already heard the whole story from your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He's the one that let us know to come down here tonight. Come on in Alastor.**

**Moody: 'Ello, 'ello.**

**Kids: Mad-eye Moody!**

"Wait, didn't he die already?"

"Yeah…no way…"

"It can't be…"

"Well it won't be if you all don't shush up and watch this." The students fell silent at McGonagall's reprimand. It was the first time she had spoken since she had arrived.

**Moody: That's right. That was some fine work you done here, Potter. I taught you well.**

**Harry: Thanks Professor.**

**Moody: And you defeated Fenrir Greyback did you?**

**Ron: He sure did.**

**Moody: Nice, very nice.**

**Hermione: Looks like the Death Eaters were after this but we managed to keep it away from them.**

**Moody: And it's a good thing you did, Miss Granger. If the Death Eaters were to get ahold of that the entire world would be in jeopardy. Best hand that over to me now. I'll be sure to keep it nice and safe…**

**Harry: Oh, I'm sure would Professor Moody, or should I say Barty Crouch!**

"Bloody hell it is him!"

"Bastard is still alive?"

"Language children."

"Yes Professor."

**Crouch: Blimey! Alright *pulls out Glock* nobody move!**

"What the…"

"Did he really just pull out a gun?!"

"Smart man, bringing a gun to a wand fight."

"What's a gun?" Hermione looked at everyone's confused looks sans Harry. She sighed but had trouble keeping a straight face.

"A gun is an object that shoots a metal bullet, a small projectile, at a very high speed that it is blind to the naked eye. It is very dangerous and since it is so fast, hard to stop by magic."

"Wow, really?"

"Yeah, Muggles aren't defenseless and their weapons are not easily stopped, if at all."

"Can it be stopped?"

"By another object, kinda like a metal Killing Curse except it only kills you if it hits you in the right spot otherwise it is painful."

"Ugh!"

**Wands on the ground, wands on the ground…put 'em in a pile. I'm not fucking around this time.**

"Hmmm…."

"Harry, no."

"Oh come on, it's different and no one would expect it and the irony….Voldemort dies by Muggle weapon." Draco and Neville snorted while Luna giggled. Ginny smirked evilly while Ron looked like he was dying he was laughing so hard.

"The world would never be the same."

**Alright, alright, so Potter how did you know it was me?**

**Harry: I had my suspicions for a while. It was briefly mentioned Mad-Eye Moody died during my second year but I wasn't sure it was you until tonight. Now you're gonna answer for your crimes, Farty Crouch.**

**Crouch: Oh yeah? I've got a better idea. *grabs Minister* Nobody move a god damn muscle. Me and Mr. Shacklebolt over here are going for a little trip on the Floo Network and none of you jive-ass bobbies are gonna follow. You dig?**

**Minister: We dig Mood-Eye, we dig.**

**Harry: But Barty, if you're going on a vacation I know a first rate hotel that offers free bodyguard service and meals. It has every amenity in the world. One could live there.**

**Crouch: Oh really? Sounds like they require some reservation.**

**Harry: Nope, you don't need one…for Hotel Azkaban!**

**Ron: Yeah!**

**Crouch: Haha, Potter, always the joker. You self-righteous son of a bitch…oh what's the matter Potter?**

"You are pointing a weapon at me while I'm defenseless and I know you will use it."

**Afraid of a little Muggle toy?**

"YES!"

"Harry, they are too stuck up their own arses to ever think about not using magic."

"So?"

**Well, let's even the stakes then. *throws Minister and puts gun down* Just you and me now. Let's settle it the old fashion way, mano et mano, man to man, fist to face…come here you little bastard.**

**Hermione: Stupefy!**

**Crouch: No!**

**Minister: That was some quick thinking. You just saved my life.**

"And ours."

"Can you fight like that Potter?"

"Not as well as my cousin but decently."

"How does he fight?"

"He does it as a sport in school, like Quidditch to us."

**But that still doesn't excuse what you kids did here tonight. Breaking into the Department of Mysteries, flying threstrals right through the Queen's Day Parade, you kittens may think Dumbledore's Army can take on the world, but y'all should have called us the second you heard some funky shit was going down here tonight.**

**Harry: Sorry Kingsley, just didn't have the time…**

**Minister: You know what Potter, boy, bitch, boy Potter?! You're a hot-shot loose cannon! It's that kind of maverick attitude….that makes you perfect for the wizard cops!**

"Only Kingsley."

"Yup, nice to know he will be Minister after all this Voldemort crap though."

**Kids: Wow!**

**Minister: So what do yah say HP? You ready to join the force and take a bite out of crime?**

**Harry: I'd love to but I can't.**

**Minister: And why the hell not?**

**Harry: 'Cause I'm going back to Hogwarts! Senior Year starts September First.**

"Oh, our last year…"

"It'll the best year ever!"

**Minister: Alright, well, you're right Potter. It's a shame though, you would have made one good god damn, wizard god damn, hell of a wizard cop. Alright boys, let's get them outta here. **

"What did he call you?"

"No idea but that was hilarious."

**Harry: Ah, beaten again huh? You Death Eaters never learn. The Dark Lord's been dead for five years. Why do you guys keep hanging on to something that's over?**

**Crouch: If it's over for me it's over for you too. You see all you are is someone who fights us. Once we're all gone, the world won't need a hero anymore. If the Dark Lord can't live forever, than neither can you. *Harry hits him in the face***

"I'm pretty sure life after being the hero will be amazing!"

"Yeah, once that time gets here, I'll be happy."

**Harry: Take him away.**

The video ended with the kids chuckling but McGonagall was not happy.

"This is ridiculous Albus. I'm surprised you are even here Severus. I would assume you would be in the restroom moping about."

"My dear Minerva, this the last of three musicals. Just enjoy them for what they are, humor, and let the kids be kids for this time."

"I'll try but I can't guarantee anything."

"That's all I ask Minerva and have fun."


	3. Act 1 Scene 2

Act 1 Scene 2

_Scene 2: Lights up on The Burrow _

**Molly: Rise and shine Weasleys! It's September 1****st**** and you know what that means? You little knuckleheads better be dressed and packed and ready to leave for school after breakfast!**

**Ginny: Mom! Have you seen my boyfriend Harry Potter?**

"Is that really Ginny?"

"Her voice is quite annoying in this musical. Your voice isn't annoying in real-life Ginny." The said red-head smiled at Neville.

"Thanks Nev, that's sweet of you."

"That's not saying you're not annoying though."

"Ronald Bilius Weasley…"

"No magic Gin, I'm not scared."

**Molly: No, I haven't dear. I've got all these extra kids in the house: Bill's wife, Ron's girlfriend, Harry's girlfriend…I'm swamped.**

"Wait, Harry's girlfriend?" Ron chuckled and Draco snorted.

"Apparently, we know where Harry falls on your mother's list."

"Oh trust me, he's the favorite, we all know it." Harry blushed and decided to hit his best friend's head.

"No I'm not. She loves you all equally."

"Sure Harry…" Harry just glared at the back of Ginny's head as she had turned back to the musical. He was not the favorite!

**Would you go and wake everybody up for me?**

**Ginny: Ok!**

_Ginny walks up a crooked staircase to the bedroom, where she finds Ron sitting on the edge of the bed, lightly strumming a guitar and singing with his meager voice_

**Ron: "HEY!"**

Ron looked outraged that they said he had a meager voice.

"You know what though mate, you might get your moment in this though."

"I do not have a meager voice!"

_Sorry Ron!_

"Wow, the guy apologized."

"That is a tad creepy."

**Ginny: Hey! Harry Potter, it's time for breakfast!**

**Ron: Ah! Have you ever heard of knocking? Get out of my room!**

**Ginny: It's my room too Ronald!**

"EW! What?!"

"NO way would we ever share a room!"

"That is totally not awesome!"

"Harry when did you ever say totally or awesome?" Neville was trying not to laugh at the characters but the way they were acting in real life was a tad different than normal as well.

"Don't worry Neville, you'll get it eventually."

"You better hop the all-mighty wizard god agrees with you."

"Shut it and go have a Red Vine."

**What are you doing in here anyway?**

**Ron: None of your bee wax, thunder butt!**

**Charlie: He's writing a love song for his girlfriend.**

**Ron: Charlie, get out of here!**

"What the bloody hell is going on?"

"Dude, I think you all share a bedroom." Draco burst out laughing at that and had trouble controlling himself.

"It's not that you're poor Weasley but could you imagine the size of that room alone to fit that bed?"

"That would be hilarious!" Ginny giggled at that thought, trying to ignore the fact that her six brothers shared a bed with her.

**Fleur: I think it's romantic.**

"Fleur is there too?!"

"That must be Bill's wife, dang they do get married then."

"Bloody Phlegm."

**Ron: Fleur?**

**Bill: I think you're romantic.**

**Fleur: Bill! –kiss-**

**Ron: Oh, just get a room you two.**

**Bill: This is our room.**

"Ugh, they are married….just ugh."

"Poor Ron, sexually frustrated…."

"That will be the stop of that Mr. Potter." Harry still smirked as Ron went green.

**Percy: WILL YOU GUYS SHUT YOUR FAT FACES?! It's the ass-crack of dawn!**

**Bill: Percy…**

Laughter was not held back at Percy's expense. Even Minerva had trouble keeping a smile off her face at Percy's portrayal.

"No….haha…..way…!"

"He went from being….a girl to….oh my….."

"A bloody douche bag!"

"Ron, that's very inappropriate!"

"Hermione, just….let them enjoy the moment." Her glare narrowed on the Malfoy heir but he had returned to trying to catch his breath.

**You're just jealous of Ronnie's girlfriend and my beautiful wife.**

**Percy: As if!**

"He does have a point….ever since Penelope dumped him, he has been a bigger prick and he wasn't exactly in love with her either."

**Well, I'm gonna go sleep in the garden. At least the gnomes are quiet!**

**Ron: No, no, Percy, don't go out there. Hermione's reading in the garden.**

**Percy: SO?**

"Yeah, really, so?"

"Hermione, you really want to be reading next to Percy as he dreams of the Ministry and cauldron bottom thickness?"

"Point taken."

**Why isn't she in here with you, Mister Perfect?**

**Charlie: Yeah, what's up Ron? Why didn't Hermione crawl into bed with us last night?**

"Because Hermione has her own room at home and though the Weasleys are family, I will not share bed with them all…especially the twins!" Ron nodded his head in agreement then Harry looked slightly disturbed.

"Does that mean I was there if they aren't asking about me?"

"Wait and find out."

**Bill, Fleur, Ginny: Yeah…**

**Ron: Well, she was up late reading. We haven't been spending too much time together 'cause she's really into these young adult novels lately. I thought I could sweep Hermione off her feet if I wrote her a song. I'm just trying to get her to kiss me again.**

"Sweet, I get a back rub!"

"Why haven't we kissed recently?"

**Charlie: Well, when was the last time she kissed you buddy?**

**Ron: Let me think. Um…yeah, yeah, it was that first time.**

"We haven't kissed since second year and it's our last?"

"No idea but don't you two go making up for lost time now while we're here." Hermione blushed but Ron just punched Harry's arm.

**Fleur: Ron, as someone who is so very happy in love, I have advice for you. Just, how you say, be yourself.**

**Ginny: Yeah Ron, girls don't want cheesy compliments or songs or surprise presents.**

_Just then Harry literally surfs into the room on a heart-shaped guitar being held up by enchanted rose petals. Harry then surfs onto the bed and flips the guitar into the air. He sings…_

**Harry: Ginny, Ginny, Ginny, you're so cool. You're my girlfriend, I love you so much. You're hotter than all the other girlfriends that ever were in the world.**

"What type of song is that? I completely approve my entrance but come on! I have such a better voice than that!"

"Harry, love, thank you for surprising me and making me feel special."

"You are very welcome."

**Ah, I love you Ginny Weasley. You're the most magical creature I've ever seen in my whole life.**

"POTTER!"

"STOP RAISING THE STANDARDS!"

"Honestly Harry, this is what I have to live up to?" Everyone looked at Neville shocked and he shrugged his shoulders.

"What, I can't like girls?"

"Nah, go ahead Neville, join in our fun! Weasley, we demand Red Vines!" Ron jumped up and ran into the kitchen and ran back out, jumping over onto the couch in between Draco and Hermione. He opened the bag and passed out the red candy to everyone, not taking no as an answer from his Head of House.

"Thank Ron, this is great."

"Red Vines, what can't they do?"

"Funny."

**Surprise! A present from your boyfriend.**

Harry and Ginny froze and both looked horrified, their good mood gone after seeing that blasted black diary.

"I…I…."

"No, they made _Harry_ give it to me?"

"I would never…" Dumbledore leaned over and put a hand on Harry's shoulder, knowing this was a very traumatic experience for the two of them.

"Harry, as we know you are too good to ever purposely hurt anyone. This is just a horrible parody."

"Still….How could they think I would even think of giving that horrible thing to her? I would have bought her one that had a message or something in it from me and her own name would be engraved on it." Ginny looked up and smiled just a little.

"We'll get through this Harry because look where we are now." Harry pulled her closer to him and tucked her head under his chin so that she would be as close as possible to him.

"It'll be alright Harry, it'll be alright."

**Ginny: Oh, oh, oh, oh, what is it? What is it? Oh, a diary. Harry Potter you are the best boyfriend ever. -kiss- I'm gonna go write in it right now.**

**Harry: Hey Ron! Hey Weasleys!**

**Weasleys: Hey good buddy.**

"I believe you have earned the friendship of all of us there Harry." Harry nodded a tad but he was still curled around Ginny protectively. Hermione and Ron recognized that look and he had it earlier in the year when he started dating Ginny and earlier in the musicals. The look notified them that Harry was feeling guilty about something. Unfortunately, Ron and Hermione were feeling guilty about their second year too since neither of them had noticed Ginny acting weird and secluded.

**Harry: Guys, thanks for letting me stay in the Burrow all summer.**

**Ron: Hey, no problem pal! I'm just sorry you had to share a bed with Ginny. It must be weird sleeping with your girlfriend.**

All teenage males choked as they heard that.

"Did that just really come out of my mouth?"

"Hell Weasley, could you have been more of a prude?"

"Seriously, do they not know what goes on in the dorms?" Harry had loosened Ginny up a bit and looked shocked. It was nothing to the looks on the professors faces though.

"What goes on in the dorms then Mr.'s Weasley, Longbottom, Weasley?" Harry ducked his head, hiding a blush and smile in Ginny's hair. Oh, he knew what around in the dorms.

"Ah…you see Professor…"

"It's not what it sounds like really…"

"Yeah, we are nothing but innocent little boys playing card games and eating candy." The three accused looked at their Headmaster and Heads of House. McGonagall and Snape both rolled their eyes.

"You all forget that I am no older than your parents, younger than yours, Mr. Malfoy." Draco gulped as his godfather glared at him and his fellow prisoners…ah students.

"And you also forget that I was the Head of House when the Marauders were in full swing and that I also taught all of your parents." Neville and Ron gulped in fear.

"I believe you have scared these young men enough Severus, Minerva. Besides, if I recall from my days as Head of Gryffindor, the girls' dorms were just as bad if not worse at times." Hermione, Ginny, and even Luna blushed at that.

"I think we should continue the musical everyone."

**Harry: No, no it was weird that your mom was there too…and you and your whole family…**

"Yeah, that is officially weird."

"Yeah, I agree."

**Like all in one bed….you are so poor.**

"What's funny about that? Well, I could do that…" Ron and Ginny looked at Harry oddly.

"Do what exactly?"

"Hermione, do you know where I am going with this?" Hermione looked at him and then it dawned on her.

"Oh Harry, I'll help and get Draco to help too. We'll get it done." Both Weasleys, Neville, and Luna looked confused but they let it go.

**Ron: Well, are you all packed for Hogwarts?**

**Harry: Yup, I got my Invisibility Cloak, piece of mirror Sirius gave me and my talk boy. What I can't find is my lucky Snitch.**

"Sounds like you need a Hufflepuff."

"No, Malfoy, just no."

"Why a Hufflepuff?" Luna looked at Draco and then she smiled serenely.

"Hufflepuffs, like badgers, are good finders." Ron burst into laughter.

"You don't know the half of it Luna."

**Ron: Do you mean the one Dumbledore left you when he died?**

"You leave us stuff in your will?"

"I do not know." Dumbledore's eyes dimmed though and lucky for him, they had their eyes on the television.

**Harry: Yeah, have you guys seen it? It was an inscription on the side of it that says, "I open at the close", whatever the fuck that means.**

"Ew, Bill and Phlegm….I am scarred for life."

"We all are." Harry straightened up and Ginny got more comfortable now that she wasn't wrapped in a Harry blanket. He might be skinny but six years of Quidditch and fighting the Dark had really made him deceptively strong.

**Ron: Man, I am literally surrounded by people kissing: Bill and Fleur, you and Ginny, I want to do that.**

**Harry: Dude, she's your sister just ask her.**

**Ron: "UGH!"**

Harry's mouth dropped open in shocked disgust while Ginny looked traumatized. Ron was frozen in his seat.

"What?!"

**Hermione: Oh wow, a young depressed heroine reluctantly settles for the doughy boy next door. Another perfect ending to another young adult novel series, "The Hunger Games" by Gilderoy Lockhart.**

**Harry: I'm sorry but who's Gilderoy Lockhart?**

**Hermione: Who's Gilderoy Lockhart?**

"A fraud."

"A priss."

"A whimp."

"A villain."

"An idiot."

"Bloody poof."

**He's only my favorite author and idol. He's given the world so many amazing novel series like The Twilight Series, the Hunger Games, Percy Jackson and whatever he did.**

**Harry: Twilight? Oh, yeah I've heard of that. I don't like how those books objectify men.**

"No I suppose you wouldn't." (Okay, Hermione really has read the Twilight Saga BUT they aren't movies. I'm playing around with the universe a bit)

"You've read those books?"

"Yeah they are about a young girl who gets into this love triangle with a century old vampire and a werewolf that changes on command. It is completely misleading and leaves too much to interpretation."

"Do they really objectify men?" Hermione shrugged.

"Yes and no…again the writer leaves it up to whatever the reader wants to believe."

**Hermione: Oh yeah? Have you ever read them? Have you ever read a book?**

**Harry: Have you ever not read a book?**

**Hermione: No! I can't stand people who don't read.**

"I do not! That's a very biased opinion."

"Hermione, we know."

**Ron, did you finish The Hunger Games? I gave you the first book weeks ago.**

**Ron: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes? Yes it was, it was good. It was a good game.**

**Hermione: Oh yeah, what was it about?**

**Ron: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it as about um a, um hungry, uh, hungry withholding girl who won't kiss her boyfriend!**

"You aren't frustrated at all are you buddy?"

"Shut it Harry."

**Hermione: You did read it!**

**Ginny: Hey you guys, I already told my diary so I'm gonna tell you. It's time for breakfast.**

_**They walk downstairs to the dining room. The table is set. Bill, Fleur, and the other Weasleys enter.**_

**Fleur: Bonjour Weasleys!**

**Percy: Yeah, sorry, my girlfriend couldn't be here everyone but the wifi, just can't get it to work.**

"Wifi? What's wifi?"

"It's kinda like using the Floo except anyone can use it. We are watching this because of Wifi." All purebloods still looked kind of confused still.

"Uh, imagine our magic and Floo turned into an energy that covers the world and people use devices to use it at their whim?"

"Oh, that's a tad more understandable. That's kinda cool too."

**Molly: I'm just so sad that this is that last meal we have with these boys before they leave me for a whole year.**

"They just about have your mom nailed don't they?

"Yeah, yeah they do. Harry what do you think?"

"I'm pleading silence Ron. She's my future mother-in-law."

**I can't wait until you're all done with Hogwarts and you can just move back in here with me like all my other children.**

Ron and Ginny looked scared at that.

"All seven of us together until we die?"

"No, no, not happening." They both nodded at that and Harry tried to hold back laughter, knowing Molly would take them all back if she could.

**Even Fred came back from the dead as a ghost to stay at home.**

**Fred: Oh the light, I see the light. Oh, guess it's time to go now. Guess I won't be able to do the dishes…looks like Percy will have to cover for me.**

"Okay, since Fred is still alive and all, I could see him doing this as a ghost." Harry nodded along with Neville's statement, imagining the products he could get them to come up with.

"I agree. That is definitely a Weasley twin joke."

**-laughter-**

**Molly: Oh Fred, knock it off.**

**George: But I'm Fred! -laughter-**

**Molly: That goes for you too Harry. The second you're done at Hogwarts, you are more than welcome to move right in here.**

**Harry: Ah, golly, that's really nice of you Mrs. Weasley.**

**Molly: So? Are moving in or not?!**

"Yeah, lovely boyfriend of mine, are you moving in?" Harry shook his head.

"No, but now knowing I'll survive this….I figured we'd move in together after you graduate?" Ginny smiled happily at that and hugged him.

**Harry: Um, I don't know. I guess I never really thought about life after Hogwarts. It's the only home I've ever really known. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to leave it behind.**

**Bill: Well, you don't have to worry about that yet Harry. You've still got your whole senior year ahead.**

**Arthur: Speaking of senior year, Ronnie my boy, I've got a present for you.**

"Oh, what do I get?"

"Ron, calm down."

**It's a Weasley family tradition. It's the keys to the flying car!**

"Oh, that's not at all really exciting."

"I get where they are going with it though. You get to drive it, with permission, to Hogwarts this time. Like a rite of passage per say." Ron nodded at Hermione but he was still slightly down at not getting something cool.

**Everyone: Yay!**

**Arthur: Here you go son and you can have it all year!**

**Harry and Ron: This is going to be the best year ever! -high five-**

"Ha, it will be the best year ever! We're seventh years, adults finally, and no more Voldemort!"

"Red Vine!"

**Arthur: Yup, it sure is. (Molly: Oh Arthur) Cheers everybody, to senior year!**

**Everyone: To senior year!**

**Ron: (singing) We're going back to Hogwarts for the very last time.**

**Hermione: Our final year, at last it's here, gonna to start our lives.**

**Ginny: And everyone's excited about what the future holds for you. What the world's most famous wizard is gonna get into? **("I just popped my collar! I'm cool!)

**Three: Well we're going back today, in the very same old way. Tell me Harry, can't you hear, it's gonna be your year! It's a very Potter senior year.**

**Ron: Come on guys, let's hop in the car and get out of here!**

"Ha, I get a song dedicated to my last year. Maybe we should through this into our bet?"

"Oh yeah, by the way Neville, Luna, we are all performing songs form the musicals. Before there was this one we had them figured out but with this musical, we're probably gonna change it a bit." Neville and Luna nodded and smiled.

"I'm in definitely."

"I'll do it. The Nargles love music!"

**Ron: Alright! I never thought that we would get this far but we made it. We're on top of the world.**

"Did I just tell someone to go….yeah?"

"Yeah you did: in a flying car no less Potter."

**Girls: We're on top of the world!**

**Ron: I feel unstoppable, I'm super-charged. It's contagious (together) that's for sure. We're on top of the world.**

**Hermione: We'll have some cool new spells to learn and we're gonna earn good grades.**

**Ginny: You're gonna spend lots of time with me and this gonna be the very best year!**

**Together: It's a very Potter senior year! Senior Year! We're not just kids anymore! Senior Year! Senior Year! Better than ever before! It's a very Potter senior year!**

**-Ginny giggles, Ron swerves the car-**

**Harry: Something's on the horizon and I know that something is me. I've been realizing there's no else I'd rather be than me. You know I'm gonna rule the school.**

**Ron: Just remember when you need a friend our friendship never ends. I'll be there.**

**Together: We're at your side.**

**Hermione: Don't forget I got a hand to lend. You don't have to pretend anymore.**

**Together: No don't do that!**

**Harry: Cause you're the very best friends to me and this is gonna be the very best year!**

**All: It's very Potter senior year! Senior Year! We're not just kids anymore! Senior Year! Senior Year! Better than ever before!**

**Girls: This is the last time…**

**Harry: I'll be king of the school.**

**Ron: Oh man it's gonna rule.**

**Girls: This is the last time…**

**Ron: We gotta make it count.**

**Harry: That's what I'm all about.**

**Girls: This is the magic…**

**Boys: Of growing up and showing up for Senior Year!**

**Ron: This is the last time…**

**Harry: And soon all the fun will be over and done.**

**Together: This is the last time...**

**Harry: It's kind of hard to pretend I'm not scared of the end…**

"Are you really Potter?"

"No, more excited now that I have an end where I'm alive."

"Touché."

**Together: This is the magic…**

**Harry: There must be something more but I should get ready for…my senior….**

**All: Senior Year! Senior Year! We're not just kids anymore! Senior Year! Senior Year! Better than ever before!**

**Senior Year! –This is the last time- Senior Year! We're not just kids anymore!**

**Harry: A very Potter…**

**Ron: A very Potter…**

**Hermione: Very Potter…**

**Ginny: Harry Potter!**

**All: It's a Very Potter Senior Year!**

"Wow, you guys to sing things like that?"

"Especially for that past two musicals. You should have seen Harry singing Harry Freakin' Potter."

"You have a song about you too?"

"Yup."

_**Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny look out of their windshield to see Hogwarts off in the distance.**_

**Ron: There it is Harry…Hogwarts. God, she's beautiful.**

"Here, here!"

_** As they descend, the ride becomes very turbulent.**_

**Harry: Whoa, whoa Ron, keep it steady man!**

**Ron: Okay, dude, I'm trying! Oh, oh! We're going down, hold on to something.**

**Harry: TO WHAT?**

**All: AH! -crash-**

"Ah, damned tree."

"Agreed on that, stupid tree that fights back…"

"Well, if you are all done complaining about the Whomping Willow, we will continue after this very fast bathroom break." The boys shot to their restroom while the girls were more subdued as they had started chatting.

It only took them five minutes before they were back and McGonagall looked more relaxed. She had removed her hat and loosened the top button at her neck**.**

"Time for Hogwarts!"

AN: I apologize for the emotional roller coaster in this chapter but in my mind, the diary incident is one of those things, especially considering how young they were, that seems like a sore subject and though I thought it was funny Harry giving Ginny the diary…could you imagine being them having lived through that nightmare and then see that Harry is the one who makes Ginny suffer? But humor should color the next chapter because guess who finally has a character, Minnie…. ;-)


	4. Act 1 Scene 3

Act 1 Scene 3

_Scene Three: Lights up on the smoking wreckage of the flying car, which has crashed into the Herbology Room of Hogwarts, completely destroying it._

"Ah, we crashed into the Green Houses?"

"I don't know which is worse."

**Harry: Whoa, wipe out.**

**Hermione: Ron, look what you did.**

**Harry: Hey, at least we crashed into the Herbology room. I always hated that class.**

"Hey, don't diss on the plants Harry."

"Don't worry Neville; I am impartial to the subject."

**Let's get out of here before we get into any trouble.**

**McGonagall: Oh in the name of stuffy old ninnies everywhere what is going…Potter!**

**Trio: Professor McGonagall?!**

Silence consumed the room as the teens were torn between the laughter they knew was eventually going to happen and the murderous look on their professor's face. A moment later, it was like the sound on a radio had been turned from mute to as loud as possible as the teens cracked up into laughter. The Gryffindors especially were red in the face and in tears at the absolutely horrifyingly funny portrayal of their Head of House.

"Albus…"

"Relax Minerva, you should have seen Severus and I."

"Why aren't you there?"

"We're dead, I'm afraid." McGonagall then looked lost but quickly forgot that as she saw her character, face frozen in a look of shock on the screen (31 seconds in).

"Why?"

"Lo….loose….loosen up Professor. Wait until you see Draco!"

**Look what you've done to the Green House. An entire crop of Mandrakes destroyed, it'll take all year to grow another.**

"Eh…."

"Potter…"

"In our defense, we haven't actually done this or probably ever will considering the car is wild in the Forest?" Ron and Harry were looking uneasy as they were glared at.

**Oh and look you killed Professor Sprout.**

"WHAT?!" Ron and Harry looked horrified but the others cracked up laughing.

"Wait, why am I getting blamed for all of it…Ron was driving!"

"Shut it you, it's your fault for being too cool in this musical!"

"Ron that made no sense!"

"I don't care!"

"Both of you shut it or I'll do it for you!"

**You better have a jolly good explanation for all of this, Potter or I'll expel you so fast your head will spin, spin faster than a Fizzing Fancy.**

**Harry: Guys, guys, let me take care of this. Uh hum, Professor, this really isn't, uh, it isn't what it looks like.**

"As you step over the corpse of a teacher…."

"I have no idea how that would actually happen…."

"Believe me Potter….I don't know how any of us would handle this situation."

**Uh see, couldn't have destroyed the Herbology Room because um, well you see, it was like this when we got here.**

"And my I can't lie….still."

**McGonagall: Potter, I might not be as hip as Dumbledore was but I am Headmaster of this school now. I consider myself to be a very reasonable uptight bitch.**

"No…"

"They didn't…"

"YES BLOODY HELL THEY DID!" The boys all laughed at what their teacher had said. It was too funny.

"Not as hip as Dumbledore?"

"No offense, but the Dumbledore in the musicals is quite the cool person." Said Headmaster blushed while Minerva looked surprised it was Granger who had stated this.

"I am not a…a…an uptight bitch. I am fair but strict."

"Of course Professor McGonagall." Ginny smiled sweetly at woman who just sighed in defeat.

**But if you haven't got a witness to back up your story, it's out of my hands Potter.**

"Hey….didn't you say something similar to me in second year when you found me with Justin and Nick after they were petrified?"

"Yes I believe I did say that last bit almost word for word."

"Creepy."

**Draco: Well, well, well…**

Luna, McGonagall and Neville all gasped then the two teens burst into laughter. Minerva smiled evilly and Draco gulped.

"I guess this musical isn't so bad after all." Severus smirked at her and nodded.

"I have found my own sadistic pleasure in this as well."

"Bloody professors…all evil…"Draco was grumbling under his breath.

**What a fine opportunity that has fallen straight from the sky, right into my diapered lap.**

"You….you…"

"Yes I bloody wear a diaper Shlongbottom."

"No need to be so pissy Drakey."

"Don't use baby name son me…." They glared at each other before smiling. The new Gryffindor had finally made progress in accepting the Slytherin.

**Harry: Malfoy.**

**Draco: How fortuitous…that I happened to be exploring the next room with my bi-lingual friend Dora, when I witnessed the entire happenings of what happened here tonight.**

**McGonagall: Thank goodness Draco; can you please clear up this whole mess?**

"You are going to trust a woman playing a man holding a baby doll that is supposedly bi-lingual to clear up a murder of a professor?"

"Well, weirder things have happened in this musical…like Voldemort being such a douche bag."

**Draco: Indeed I can. Ah but first I would like to point out to Mr. Potter, that I now hold his fate in the palm of my tiny hand.**

**Ron: Malfoy you little shit.**

"Again with this! Why am I a little shit?"

"Language children…honestly."

**And I can assure you Headmaster; these fellows…are entirely innocent.**

"Of course, you're our pal kinda person now aren't you?"

"I would think so after those last two musicals."

**Everyone: What?**

**McGonagall: But then who is responsible for this severe property damage?**

**Draco: Isn't it obvious?**

"No."

"Harry shut it."

**Sorry old friend. It was Dora.**

Harry laughed at that. Draco looked surprised.

"I can't believe this is working."

"Wizard god, this is too much."

**McGonagall: Miss Explorer! I am shocked. You are coming with me immediately.**

**Draco: Looks like this is the end of our adventure Dora. I really did love you.**

**Draco/Dora: Tea mi tanbien, y…lo siento.**

"Uh…what did he say?"

"No idea…I never took Spanish."

"Draco?"

"Nope, only know French and Italian."

"Great."

**McGonagall: You kids have better hurry off to the Great Hall for the Welcoming Feast. Spit spot, off you go.**

**Ron: Shwew, that was close.**

**Harry: Alright Malfoy, what's the deal?**

**Draco: What? Surprised I could pin your crime on that saucy tart?**

"What the…."

"When is doll a saucy tart?"

"When do I pin your crimes on anyone but you?"

"That wasn't helping."

**I'm not denying it, I did sleep with her.**

"Ew…."

"How is that even possible?"

**But she's been seeing my Paddington Bear behind my back for weeks now. As you can see Potter, it's very dangerous to be one of my enemies.**

"Your enemy?"

"Hands down, being your enemy is a walk in the park."

"Won't deny that."

**Which is why it's such a good thing that we're friends?**

**Harry: Yeah right Malfoy! (pushes Draco to ground)**

"You are so easy to push around."

"It's sad really."

**I'll never be your friend. Come one guys. (run faster)**

**Draco: No…wait! (catches up) Alright now, surely you chaps remember all the good times we had at school together? Like when we battled Professor Quirrel and I destroyed that last Horcrux? Or when I travelled back in time and saved you from my evil father?**

**Harry: No, I don't.**

"Howe do you forget something like that?"

"No idea…not the time Hermione." Hermione shut her mouth and huffed at being cut off.

**I don't remember that, I was eleven.**

**Draco: Well then surely you chaps remember our third year. It was the most memorable and important one. We all went to Pigfarts. I did many important things that year.**

"Ah we went there?"

"Who funded that trip?"

"Why would you need funding to such a ridiculous place?"

"It's on Mars," Was the resounding answer from all the veteran musical goers.

**And we had so many clean jokes and good songs and nobody swore.**

**Harry: Oh yeah, yeah, I remember that year. Fuck that year.**

"I knew it."

"You did?"

"Yup."

"Ron, I suggest we propose that idea to Fred and George to make something that forces everyone to swear when they don't want to and changes all purposeful swears into things that are absurd."

"Oh, like dragon boogies and Voldemort's nipple?"

"Oh and we can use things like Dobby's sock and unicorn turd."

"You two are idiots."

"Thanks Hermione."

**Draco: Well, we've only got one year left chaps. What'd you say we bury the hatchet and enjoy it?**

"Not when you're feeling up my girlfriend like that you snake."

**Like good friends should.**

**Harry: Whatever Malfoy, just, just butt-out would yah?**

**Ron: As in get your poopy butt out of here.**

**Draco: Alright dudes…**

"Poopy butt? That's all I came up with?"

"Diapered Arse sounds better."

**Until next time…you hang loose.**

**Seamus: Bloody nuts, it's Harry Potter!**

**Harry: Seamus!**

"That's Seamus? They do know he's Irish right?"

"I think, Mr. Longbottom, that's the point."

"Thanks Professor."

**Dean: Ah, what's up, what's up, brother my brother?**

**Colin: My god it's Harry Potter! Mind a few pics...for the school paper?**

"Is that Collin?"

"I think so… bit tall there."

**Harry: Who's this?**

**Colin: Colin Creevey sir, first year. I just got Sorted into Gryffindor and uh, ho, I'm a big fan.**

**Harry: Oh is that so? That's what I like to hear. Hey, be sure to get all of my good side.**

**Colin: Alright, jillickers.**

"Again, are we sure that you are straight Potter?"

"No, apparently not."

**Harry: I can tell that kid has a long, lustrous, career ahead of him.**

**McGonagall: Alright children, silence, silence. Welcome one and all to another magical year at Hogwarts. Now before I introduce year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, I would like to present this year's newly chosen Head Girl Miss Cho Chang.**

"Uh uh…"

"That whore did not just get Head Girl over me! Ginny?"

"Don't worry Hermione; I'll get the slut for you."

"Girls honestly!"

"Oh don't worry Professor, the real Cho is fine. This one is a slut and whore and obnoxious."

**Cho: Howdy y'all.**

**McGonagall: Now I would have presented this year's Head Boy but sadly the young man who was chosen was murdered at the end of last term by Fenrir Greyback. So, we can't leave the school Head Boyless. So for the first time, we will present the first ever Hogwarts Head Boy Election. We have chosen two male candidates who will campaign throughout the first term at the end of which there will be a school wide vote to determine this year's Head Boy.**

"Hey, that's not a bad idea actually."

"I mean we can have a list of every sixth year and after Christmas one male and one female from every House is chosen by their House to campaign for Head Boy and Head Girl. It'll be fair as well to let us choose who our highest student authority is."

"That is an idea Miss Granger."

"Awesome!"

**So, the first candidate is none other than Harry Potter. (Gryffindors cheer) and Draco Malfoy.**

"Of course."

"We are once again pitted against each other."

**Ron: Haha Haha hahaha….Draco?**

**Draco: Yes, it's with a heavy heart that I accept this civic duty. Of course my vote will be going to Harry Potter, whom I believe to be the best man for the job.**

**Harry: Thank you Malfoy. I'll be voting for myself as well.**

**McGonagall: You will each be given a campaign budget of $50.**

**Students: Ooooo.**

**McGonagall: Once you've settled upon a campaign manager.**

**Draco: And or my campaign manager, I pick my most trusted underling…Crabbe and Goyle.**

"They only count as one?"

"If that."

**But…Goyle…where the devil is Crabbe?**

**Goyle: Me and Crabbe were in the Room of Requirement. We started a fire and…Crabbe's dead.**

"Apparently you all are murderers underneath these highly suspiciously innocent exteriors."

"AH no Professor McGonagall…"

"Please, really, we aren't so bad…"

"How can you….be…..laughing?" Minerva was laughing at them as they looked confused.

"I can a joke on you all still." The teens par Luna pouted while the Ravenclaw looked at the screen.

"You all need radishes. The Nargles are zooming around your heads in swarms."

**Draco: Oh….no…I was counting on his vote.**

**Goyle: Cheer up old friend, and take heart. I met this new guy on the train and he seems pretty cool.**

**Candy Lady: Candy from the trolley dear?**

"Well, at least you get free candy Draco."

"Yes, but is her vote legitimate?"

"Probably."

**Draco: Oh…brimstone and broil she'll have to do.**

**Harry: This is great. For a while I was worried but without Crabbe Malfoy doesn't stand a chance, man.**

**Ron: Yeah Harry you got this election in the bag.**

**Lockhart: Oh I wouldn't be so sure of that.**

"Okay…may I say that Lockhart looks like he is actually not being made fun of?"

"I agree he looks normal."

"Weird clothes, blonde hair, obviously thinks he is better than everyone…why is he normal?"

**Seamus: Bloody piss, it's, it's….t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.**

**Hermione: (breathless) Gilderoy Lockhart.**

"Ha, Seamus, bloody piss….he doesn't even know who it is."

**Everyone: Oh!**

**Gilderoy: Yes, yes, hello ladies and ladies. (kisses Cho's hand and she faints)**

"She would."

"He would."

**McGonagall: Children, I would like to present this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, New York Times' best seller and all around heart-throb Mr. Gilderoy Lockhart.**

"Professor, if you had been in Dumbledore's shoes, would you have hired the ponce?"

"No, Mr. Potter, I would have had the other teachers all teach a year."

"See, why couldn't you have done that instead of landing us with his idiocy?"

"I actually thought he was quite entertaining."

"Eh, you've got that."

**Gilderoy: Why thank you Headmaster, you're too kind for your own good and a little too foxy for mine. (McGonagall giggles)**

"Ew, does he flirt with everything?"

"I hope not, that's sick."

**Seamus: That's the most famous wizard in the world that is.**

**Harry: Whoa whoa, guys, guys, I think you mean the second.**

**Gilderoy: Well Harry Potter, we meet at last. Yes, I've heard all about your heroic deeds…in the past.**

"Says the guy who thought defeating the Darkest Wizard of the century as a baby was a start to fame."

"He seriously said that?"

"Yup, I wanted to punch the guy and I was only twelve."

**Children: AOH!**

**Gilderoy: Oh didn't you kids hear? Harry Potter used to be cool.**

**Seamus: Used to be cool?**

**Dean: Whatchu talking about?**

**Gilderoy: I guess you've all been locked up in this horrible school for so long that you've lost touch with the real Wizarding World.**

"Horrible school?"

"Lost touch?"

"Real Wizarding world?" Dumbledore chuckled. Yes, this was definitely Gilderoy at the height of his career but the parody was he was more suave and intelligent in this musical at the front so he must be truly deranged behind this mask. Wonder what his ambition is in this…

**Ron: Hey but Harry just saved the real Wizarding world from real Death Eaters.**

**Gilderoy: Boring! I mean how sick are we of seeing Harry Potter beat Death Eater after Death Eater after Death Eater in these long drawn out episodes.**

"And you can do any better you poof?"

"Harry, he probably erases his own mind again somehow." Harry nodded but then a thought occurred.

"The diary means Voldemort, means a basilisk, means Lockhart tries to defeat it. Wouldn't it be justice if he got bitten instead?"

"Oooo…that would be epic."

**I mean how many years ago did the Dark Lord die…five? And here's Harry Potter still dating the same butter face girl since he was twelve.**

"Oh, you did not just call my sister a butter face you two-timing perverted freak of nature!"

"Oh don't worry Ron, you can have him after I'm done turning his face into butter."

"Boys, he is in the hospital for the rest of his life…let's keep the revenge schemes to a minimum please?"

"Yes Professor McGonagall."

**I mean when will it end so we can all move on with our lives?**

**Seamus: Yeah.**

**Harry: No! No, no, you're wrong Gilderoy, people love me. My adventures aren't repetitive, they're familiar and they're comforting. Besides, If the whole wizarding world isn't obsessed with Harry Potter, then what are they obsessed with?**

**Gilderoy: Why that would be…me. I'm telling you children, take one step off the grounds of Hogwarts and you know what they'll be talking about? A forbidden love…between a young girl and a Dracula monster. Twilight, now a major motion picture.**

"Oh my, they made it into a movie?"

"Well, would it be a good thing or just one of those chick-flicks?"

"Depends on who directs it and what the cast are."

**Kids: Oooooo.**

**Gilderoy: Yes, the world has grown weary of Harry Potter. He's nothing more than a passing fad, entirely an old hat.**

**Harry: Old hat? Old hat…I'm not an old…you're an old hat…how's this for an old hat huh? You know (singing) Hermione can't draw, Hermione can't draw, Hermione cannot draw.**

"I actually found that song kinda catchy."

"Maybe we can make it into something we like."

"Lupin can't sing?"

"Obviously."

**Cho: Harry, that's not even funny anymore. That is rude and insensitive.**

"Ah, did I just get told off by Cho…on Hermione's behalf?"

"I believe you did….Welcome to Wonderland!"

"Thanks Hermione…." Said brunette stuck her tongue out at Harry as he grinned.

**Harry: Wait, guys, come on…come on…come on! No delivers classical musical hijinks like your old pal HP right?**

**Gilderoy: Oh why anyone could strum that silly old lyre. It takes a real man to tickle the ivories.**

"Both are equally difficult to learn if you have small hands." Luna stated this out of the blue and Hermione nodded.

"Piano?"

"No, the organ….wasn't the easiest getting it into our house."

"Mum and Dad tried to get me to play piano but I just don't have the dexterity needed."

**(singing) Who's wiser than a warlock and tougher than a troll and charming as a candy cane? Who's faster than a phoenix, sly as a sphinx and always set to entertain? Here to give this sagging tale a hero to employ, look up at the skies, now look in my eyes. It's Gilderoy!**

"I think I'm getting nauseous just listening to him."

"We all did in Second Year too."

**Who's handsome as a hobbit and manly as a mare and always gives the girls a wink? Who's funny as a ferret and quick as a quill and always sings without a lip sync? Here to rid your nostrils of that dreadful Potter boy 'cause that smell in the air is the marvelous flair of 'scuse me Gilderoy!**

"My smell? I choked a couple times in detention because that pompous oaf couldn't stop using cologne."

**Long ago lived a fellow who caught your eye, hair that curled in a beautiful fro, now it's gone and replaced with a suit and tie, dancing in a variety show. Oh where did he go? Does he even care at all? Recently, he's been acting very queer.**

**Girls: Ooo ooo ooo ooo.**

**Gilderoy: Every day, his story grows more and more banal, and Voldemort isn't coming this year.**

"Ah, what's the guy who plays me do outside of these things?" Hermione looked at Harry in surprise.

"You caught that too?"

"Yeah, the hair, the supposed job being a suit and tie but it sounds like it might be another costume. Dancing? Acting queer?" Another message flashed across the musical for them.

_Darren Criss, the actor portraying Harry, is on a music-based show called Glee. He plays a teen who is gay and transfers from a private school to the public school system to be with his boyfriend. I have a video for you if you would want to see him sing outside of this role._

The teens looked at each other all nodding head.

"We can way it after the musical before we have to make our decisions."

"Yeah that would be better and then we can tease Harry more."

**Gilderoy: Gilderoy is here to fill your short attention span. Why look at that wonder boy when you could be looking at a wonder man?**

**Kids: You could be looking at a wonder man.**

**Gilderoy: Who was Wizard of the Year seven times in seven year? Who was it?**

**Kids: Gilderoy!**

**Gilderoy: Who conquered all his fears and made a boggart disappear who was it?**

**Kids: Gilderoy!**

**Gilderoy: Who taught a yeti how to sing? (Gilderoy!) Walked in to Mordor and destroyed the ring? (Gilderoy!) Battles a banshee and came out a champ? (Gilderoy!) Trapped Jafar inside of a lamp? (Gilderoooy!) Stories of wonder for each girl and boy, paperback or hardback for you to enjoy, form an orderly line!**

**Kids: It's Gilderoy!**

**Gilderoy: Ladies one at a time!**

**Kids: It's Gilderoy!**

**Gilderoy: Give me something to sign!**

**Kids: It's Gilderoy!**

**Gilderoy: All sales are final. Soon the school will be mine!**

**Everyone: It's Gilderoy!**

"Never mind….we have his agenda. He wants to rule the school."

"Bloody ponce, who so very childish of you."

"I can't believe I'm in that line."

"Nor can I believe that the guys are too." Harry looked at Ginny as she started humming.

"Really?"

"Hey just because it's about that fraud doesn't mean it isn't a good song."

"I'll one-up it in this musical."

**Harry: Yeah, okay, yeah whatever that song was okay. But check, check this out. (singing with Ginny's sporadic back-up) I'm Harry Freakin Potter. I wouldn't wince at all I'm invincible…I'm…I…it's Harry…come on ow. AH oh man, what is this? Ow, oh god I feel something, it's not like a bummer. It's not even, it's like a drag but worse. What am I feeling?**

**Ginny: Harry, don't listen to what Gilderoy says. Everybody likes you even if nobody likes you anymore.**

"I'm assuming you actually had a song that was Harry Freakin Potter?"

"Oh Neville you missed it, I gave you your nickname because of that song."

"Oh and everyone doted on him and then he got all depressing because afterwards he sings about having a home….it was quite depressing."

"I thought my comment deserves more comments." Hermione laughed while Luna turned to her first friend and smiled.

"I thought if made no sense Ginny."

"Thank you Luna! My thoughts exactly."

**Harry: That's what it is. No, he's right. He's right Ginny, I'm boring. I'm predictable, I keep doing the same stuff every year and keep fighting the same dudes, date the same girl, I'm an old hat!**

**Ginny: Well, you know what they say about an old hat? It fits like a glove.**

"That's true. Personally I don't mind having been dating the same guy for five years."

**Harry: No, I gotta shake things. I gotta change everything. I gotta stay fresh, have a forbidden love of my own and then people won't forget about me, ever!**

**Ginny: Hahaha, yeah.**

**Harry: Ginny, I'm sorry, we gotta break up.**

Harry tried to shy away from his angry girlfriend but as she was sitting in his lap, it wouldn't work.

"You ever break up with me over something like this…let's just say Voldemort will look like a sweet innocent fairy when I'm done with you. Understand?"

"Yes, love of my life, goddess of everything I hold dear."

"And you remember that lover boy." Harry sighed as he got away without being hit.

**Ginny: Huh? Ah but….sniff…but we love each other. Don't we?**

**Harry: Ginny, it's not that I don't like you, it's that other people don't like me. It's nothing personal.**

"And here is my fall from grace."

"Yeah, you kinda lowered the break-up standard there pal."

"Definitely made it easier on the rest of us."

"Ginny is going to flocked by the others now."

**Ginny: But-but-but I need you. My body needs you!**

"Ah…what?" Ron turned to glare at his best friend.

"If have even…"

"Ron shut it….obviously not as we aren't even of age. Turn around and watch the musical instead of being an overprotective prat."

**I gave you five years of my life.**

**Harry: Yeah and they were some bodacious years. We had some great times.**

"Please musical, stop digging my grave."

"Bodacious years huh?"

"It's not true! We have only been dating since the end of October!"

**I will never throw out all the shit you bought me but I'm sure you will never forget how hard I rocked your world.**

At this point Draco has holding in laughter while Harry and had dropped his head to hide his face in Ginny's hair. His hole was just getting deeper and deeper.

**Giny: This is it? Just like this, just like bye?**

**Harry: Ginny, this isn't like "goodbye". It's just, "you're cramping my style."**

**Ginny: Well you know what Harry Potter, you suck!**

**Harry: Ginny, that's not fair! You know I'm self-conscious about that!**

"About what?"

"Can't perform in bed Potter?"

"Draco, I have six older brothers….shut it." Said blonde gulped and decided to move towards Dumbledore and Snape in protection.

**Ginny: AAHH!**

**Ron: What's up her butt?**

**Harry: Sorry man but I just broke up with your sister.**

"AH great….now you get to have a go at me. Fun!"

**Ron: YEAH!**

"Nope, I'm back to being a dick about my sister."

**Ah, ah, this is the best news I have ever heard. Oh my god, I gotta tell yah, I hated pretending to be nice to your girlfriend because I can't stand my stupid little sister. Ah, yes, ah this feels so good.**

**Harry: Yeah, I just hope that she's okay.**

**Ron: Who cares? You're a free man. You can do anything you want. Oh, you can finally go on that date with Cho Chang y'all.**

**Harry: Maybe I don't know. Let's first concentrate on making sure that I'm still the most popular kid in the school. Let's win that Head Boy election huh?**

"AH, you still care after our argument."

"Of course?"

"You are too cute." Ginny turned and fluttered her eye lashes, causing Hermione and Luna to giggle as Harry turned red. The boys just laughed.

"Now, now, calm down all of you so we can get on to the next video in the final segment." Dumbledore looked at the time, which seemed to have sped up on them.

"After the next video we'll take a break then start back up."

AN: I am fully sorry for my long hiatus. I promise I didn't forget about the musical, it just happened to occur with starting a new job, travelling ten hours every weekend, studying for finals and other such responsibilities. I plan on getting back into the swing of things here soon as my schedule is evening out. Enjoy and I thank my loyal followers and readers for their support and the helpful comments. Though if any would like to, none of my stories are BETA'd. Starting with Musical 1, anyone is allowed to copy it, fix it then DOX send it to me if they wish. I've gotten a fair few comments on grammatical errors and if they take away from the perfection of Harry Potter than don't hesitate to notify me or change it yourself! =) Hope everyone is enjoying summer!


	5. Intermission

Intermission

Harry actually looked at the next video in contemplation though and decided he wanted to get a bit of privacy with Ginny for a bit before they continued.

"Um, person who is providing us this in-sight?" The screen turned black and gold dots appeared. Harry figured this was the person acknowledging him to continue.

"I think it would be a good idea to take a couple hours and let the others watch the previous musicals please? There will be some things that will be hard to explain right?"

_It is a possibility Harry Potter. I will add some private rooms for the next few hours so that Minerva, Neville, and Luna may catch themselves up properly._

"Thank you person."

_Hmmm…yes just give me a couple minutes. This isn't as easy as you think it might be for me._ They sat there waiting and the light that seemed to signal their current overseer's will at work appeared. About four doors appeared on the back wall, each with a word on them. The musical then seemed to also disappear to be replaced with a continuous stream for the previous two musicals.

"Okay then, Ginny?" She went with him and the entered a room marked Den. Ron and Hermione went into the kitchen and Snape, Draco, and Dumbledore stood and stretched before each entering a different room of their own. Once separated in the rooms, the sounds of the opening song ended with the shut of the doors. Harry turned to Ginny and hugged her close. These parodies had been an emotional roller-coaster for them all but it seemed especially for the two of them specifically.

As Harry tried to come to terms with everything with Ginny, Hermione and Ron had joined Draco in a room that was labeled Common Room. It was just a bunch of comfy furniture and a lounge or two. In here they looked at each other and then they start in on figuring things out for Hogwarts and exchanging information between them because since they had the Malfoy heir now, they all knew he would be able to get others to them from the House of the Serpent.

"Draco, who do you think we can get to ally themselves with the information we'll have?" The blonde thought about this hard.

"We should be able to get Blaise, Daphne, and Rachael Mullciber. She's only a fourth year but she is a bit of a black sheep in her family. Crabbe and Goyle are thick but gutless when it'll come to defying their fathers and the Dark Lord. Theo we might as well forget…he's prissier than a woman in her time. Once I have those three though we can work into the other years more thoroughly." Hermione nodded.

"You know we have about the entirety of Gryffindor on our side and Hufflepuff we can talk to Hannah and Susan for that, maybe even Ernie. Ravenclaw we have Padma and Luna to work with and Corner if he isn't too bitter over Harry dating Ginny." Ron took a sip of his soda (Again, how are Muggles this brilliant?!) and looked at Draco's arm.

"You know though Malfoy, that Mark is going to be with you for life." Draco glared at his left arm and rolled the sleeve of his shirt up. There in striking contrast to the pale skin was the Dark Mark in all its evil glory. Ron winced at the redness still present around the edges.

"That couldn't have been pleasant…"

Harry and Ginny had moved to lying down, Ginny on Harry drawing shapes on his chest. She smirked at the contemplation of actually getting that tattoo people said he had. When she had mentioned in the Common Room about it being a Hungarian Horntail, he had run off to send Hedwig out to Fleur and Krum. They were working on the designs of their dragons all protecting a badger with a yellow stripe instead of white. They would also get a saying under the picture to signify the loss of a life that ended too early and was the first death of the new war.

"When are you all getting together?" Harry looked into her eyes and smiled.

"We are getting together on New Year's Eve. We wanted the date to be significant as well and with our schedules it just happened we were all free that day."

"When will you get me on you?" Harry grabbed her hand and put it over his beating heart, strong and steady now. They had already went through the process of trying to imagine the other's heart stopping and it had sent them both into an emotional turmoil that had just settled.

"Right here Ginny when I feel the time is right." She kissed his hand and then the place her hand rested. After settling back down, they turned to look at the clock. They had been in here about an hour and a half. Harry sighed and sat up, moving Ginny to his side. She was in her tank and shorts looking innocently sexy and perfect. Harry stretched cracking his back in the process and freeing more stress from the past couple days.

"I wish we could have gone through them this fast but it stopped almost every single time we talked and then with our outbursts and antics…" She got up and peeked out the door. They were on the last scene of the first musical.

"They only have the sequel to watch now but it looks like they are taking it as hard as we were. Luna has tear-tracks and so does McGonagall." She shut the door to see her personal pillow lying on his stomach looking at her.

"Wanna take a nap and then they can come and get us when they're ready?" She jumped at the chance quickly.

"What do you suppose Hermione, Malfoy, and Ron are doing?" He snuggled into the lounge a bit more and lazily hummed.

"No idea and right now it isn't important."

The three teens had actually taken to just napping themselves while Snape and Dumbledore were discussing Order objectives and how to hunt down the Horcruxes and where they could be. Snape would have to increase his Occlumency but this was worth it to live without that monster breathing down your neck every second for years.

This took them all to the end of the second musical. The three newcomers sat stunned by what they had witnessed and what their host had also provided view comments for them.

"Luna, Neville, you should go round everyone up so we can get through this last musical." The two students went to the restrooms first to clean themselves up before hunting down the napping parties. Minerva entered the room her two colleagues had entered.

"We are caught up now and…please tell me you aren't dying Albus?" The Headmaster raised his hand and showed it to his professor.

"In an effort to destroy the Resurrection Stone's Horcrux status, I succumbed to my own personal strife. I will die within the year. Young Malfoy is missioned to murder me but when we heard this, I had Severus vow to kill me in his stead so that a young soul need not be tainted more than it already is." Minerva nodded, looking pained but strong as they sat there and thought about what they had learned.

"We should join the children so we can get out of here and get to more planning. More than likely they are somehow five steps ahead while being miles behind in information and resources." Severus scowled.

"Those brats are something else I will tell you." They exited to see the students were whispering to each other quietly while holding a paper between them and a couple pens.

"What are you all planning?" The paper seemed to roll up quickly and disappeared to places unknown.

"Just some homework stuff and Hogwarts stuff Professor." She narrowed her eyes. With the Golden Trio, now Quartet, nothing was ever innocent and simple. Malfoy, Longbottom, and Lovegood had been filled in as well since they had the same expressions on their faces. Ron got up quickly, grabbing bottles of water and tossing them out before everyone resettled.

"So, sum it up in three words." Neville laughed and turned to the original guests.

"Insane, Scary, and Fuck." Ron high-fived him with Draco and they all laughed.

"Funny, Grounding, and depressing." Ginny agreed there with her friend.

"Enough of such disappointment. Now that we are all on the same page, let's all continue this on equal footing shall we?" With that the screen blinked while the white light engulfed them again to take the new rooms away. The screen had reset itself and the next scene was ready to be viewed.


End file.
